Pura-pura

 Aku itu orangnya penakut. Kena masalah dikit aja langsung ciut. Tapi kata Mama pura-pura aja berani, orang gak kan tahu kalo kamu penakut. Misalnya pas praktek ngajar di SMA, gak tau apa aku deg-deg'an minta ampun berdiri didepan puluhan anak SMA. Apalagi kalo ada murid yang nyolot, panas dingin di dalem. Tapi aku harus berani, entah meski cuma pura-pura. Toh gak ada yang tahu. 

A Lalalala

Capek dianggep 'orang lain' sama orang yang kita anggep temen banget. Dan kenapa kamu marah kalau aku memperlakukan hal sama?

Capek peduli sama orang yang malah gak bisa menghargai. Dan kenapa kamu menyalahkan aku yang kemudian jadi tidak peduli sama kamu?

A Hello from School

Hello :)

This week and a week ahead I'm doing School Experience Program. I have to teach in a high school that fortunately just take 20 minutes walking from kost-kostan. Last semester I had to teach in Lebak Bulus, Klender, Depok, phew the struggle to wake up earlier was so damn hard. Now, I praise to God. Ayeyeyeye, no need to deal with traffic jam :D and no need to go at 5. But waking up is still a hard thing to do.

The school that I'm teaching now is errrrrrrrrrr, different with other school I've taught before. The students are difficult. They talk much and respect less. Even though it is a good school but yeah I don't know. There is always a student who is being bullied by the entire class. They don't hesitate to say rude to the victim. Even the students pay less respect to the teacher. They often argue their own teacher. Alamak. The students are eating in the classroom like it is a usual thing. They play mobile phone and laptop when there is a teacher. Alamak. Being a teacher is not easy. 

I remember what my friend, Meilani, said (we were in the same school last semester. The students there were so nice and respectful. Now I also teach in the same school with her) that when she taught in a class whose the students are cooperative and nice, she wants to be a teacher. But when she gets school that the students are difficult to handle, it makes her spirit less to be a teacher. THAT'S WHAT I FEEL HUHUHUHU I DON'T THINK I CAN BE A GOOD TEACHER. IT'S HARD TO HANDLE THESE STUDENTS HERE :(

But then, I realize, when I saw their teacher, she is disrespected by her students. She is not really firm. She can't really control the class. When everything is in a mess, she is angry. It doesn't solve anything. Will I be like her? If I still can't handle the situation here, if I let it happen, when they talk a lot and don't listen to me.. Someday when I become a teacher, I will end up becoming like her. A desperate one, if I say.

One thing that I should learn, not the theory nor the pedagogy, but the practice to become a firm teacher! FIRM AND FRIENDLY. THOSE WORDS ARE BIG HOMEWORK FOR ME. I've been going to School Experience Program since first year in college. Now I'm in third year, and I still can't be firm. My lecturer ever said back than that I'm toooo sweaaaaat. It's not good since teacher need to be firm to the students also. 

Next week, I'm going to teach social class whose the students are wilder. My friends who teach in 10 graders, they said that the students are much wilder than social class. Alamak. I don't say science class is better. It's the same.

Rolling Down

It asks me to move to other places. The places I am not comfortable with. Out of my comfort zone. It's neither nice nor pleased place to live in. Yet, I have to move. It is somehow knock me down. Sad is all around. My luck is not that good. A loooooong sigh. The fact is I have to try harder! Maybe next time I'll post some good news of my good luck. See ya :)

Finger Crossed!

My friends will go to Semeru this August. I really am interested to join since it's one of my dreams to step on the highest land of Java. But, I'm not sure with myself. Hahahaha I become such a coward lately. I never climb a mountain :D but somehow I've been hiking to Gumandar, a waterfall in Mount Arjuna, East Java. Since that day, I cross my heart I'll climb a mountain later. Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut why I never get the chances to do this, hellyeah. I was about going to Mount Gede/Pangrango last year but the whether was extreme back then. So my friends and I cancelled it. Now, they will go to Semeru and I'm not brave enough to ensure myself to go. AAAAAAAKKKKKKK! TAPI MAUUUUU :( *envious level 1000000*

Then, if I can't climb to Semeru, at least I have to go to Ranu Pane and Ranu Kumbolo in IWOCA 2013, or go travelling there with my other friends. No matter what. Finger crossed! <3

Wish I got an acceptance letter to participate in IWOCA 2013! *testing my luck mode on*

xoxo

A Scary Night

I'm wide awake for the whole night. It's 3.30 in the morning. No, I'm not doing my assignment. I just found something scary. It's not ghost. It's even scarier that ghost. It's about mind. A dangerous mind. About God and people who don't believe Him. I just can't get the point about that which now I'm thinking of it and I feel afraid. When we think about God we have to think beyond rational because actually we don't have the capability to think about His existence. No matter how smart you are, you can never think about the existence of Him. It's because we're human. It's tooo far from our brain. Our brain is limited. We're just a tiny creature as compared to even the sun. Apalagi Tuhan. God is unreachable. Therefore we have to believe Him to know the answer of all our questions about Him. I'm also not a religious person. I'm still learning to be a better one. But, I believe in God. Cause by believing Him, I feel safe, I feel peace. 

Huum :(